


Christmas Heart

by Saaimee (i_bananacake)



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Boys In Love, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, Couple, Fluff, Hugs, M/M, Not Beta Read, Snowman, Sweet, Winter, christmas night, masato is worried, ren is caring, they are in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:53:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21888466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_bananacake/pseuds/Saaimee
Summary: Though the sarcastic look was there, his voice sounded serious enough to make Masato's eyes widen unanswered. A simple comment in the silence brought back memories followed by a waterfall of feelings. Within minutes, Masato was drowning in the distant past as he stared at his present in the window.
Relationships: Hijirikawa Masato/Jinguuji Ren
Kudos: 19





	Christmas Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Christmas Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/543781) by Saaimee. 



Everything started in that morning when — sitting at the table finishing breakfast — Ren began to speak curiously.

“Have plans for today?”

“Probably.”

“All day?”

“Yes. Why?”

“Ah, just wondering. Since today is a special date I thought we should go out and do something different.”

His suggestion spoken with such disdain should not have hit the boy in front of him as it had, nor surprised him as it did. The redhead was right about the date being special, but for couples, not for them.

Masato couldn't answer that as quickly as he did with the other questions — because maybe he was so interested in that matter that he didn't wanted to think or talk about it —, needing a few seconds to take a deep breath containing his emotions.

“You can go, if you want to.” Coughing his thoughts away, he said in a calm tone as he stood up. “I won’t have time for it today.” He lied trying to show as much conviction as possible to the eyes that pursued him.

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

Ren wasn't interested in giving up his plans easily, but he knew that his insistence was starting to bother the other man and the last thing he wanted was for them to end up fighting. Silently, he watched Masato walk to the window with a cup of hot tea in his hands as if trying to escape more of his questions. He couldn't help but smile at the change of direction, because he knew how sincere Hijirikawa was to the point he had to hide his face when trying to lie.

While he was having fun with the situation Masato, on the other hand, was hoping that his rude tone had convinced Ren to walk away and, if he was lucky, stay out for a few hours.

He was staring at nothing thinking of other excuses he could use, feeling the steam gently touch his face when he realized Ren approaching to stop behind him almost touching their bodies. He hadn't even heard the sound of the chair or footsteps and so the surprise made his heart stop for a second and his hands squeeze the cup without turning around.

“It’s getting cold.”

The calm voice over his head made him look covertly at the reflection in the window seeing the distant blue eyes staring at the street. The image of the redhead caught him, and before he knew it, he was lost in Ren's bright, warm colors that brought light even with the cloudy sky as it mingled with the icy white of snow on the other side. Masato, always stable, seemed to melt before him now.

The younger man felt comfortable staring at him without being seem. His heartbeats were as calm as his breathing when he saw a nostalgic smile appear on the other's face. His expression became confused, but the fear of saying something made him remain hidden.

“We should do a snowman.”

Though the sarcastic look was there, his voice sounded serious enough to make Masato's eyes widen unanswered. A simple comment in the silence brought back memories followed by a waterfall of feelings. Within minutes, Masato was drowning in the distant past as he stared at his present in the window.

The stillness surrounded them as if subtly trying to get them closer and find warmth in each other.

Annoyed by the lack of voice from the other man, Ren looked down at the reflection to find the still paralyzed face staring at him. He grinned at the sight of his cheeks turning red from being caught helplessly and carefully ran his hand through Masato’s smooth hair gently petting his head.

“Just kidding.” Moving away, Ren gave him room to breathe calmly again. “Then I’ll be leaving. I don’t want to get in the way of your plans.”

Moving toward the exit of the room he waved without looking back leaving Masato alone, still agitated, feeling the weight of his decision.

**—**

It had been six hours since that conversation happened and Masato was still in that kitchen staring at the table with racing thoughts in mind. The weather in the house was cool enough for his winter clothes keep him safe and the third cup of tea keep him warmer than calm.

He did his best to push Ren away all morning with his unspoken apologies and glances just to now be alone in the house with his mind sunk in him. He knew they should spend this date together — it was more a wish than a duty —, but there were so many things that made him rethink the decision that Masato couldn't help worrying.

Shaking his head, he quickly tried to push his thoughts away. He knew he had nothing to do now but work out on the reason why he had been so stubborn with Ren: the Christmas present.

Yes. After all these weeks thinking about it, he wasn’t able to decide what was best to give Ren as a Christmas gift. That’s why he didn’t wanted to go out, that’s why he wanted to be alone and that’s why he was so nervous now.

“He likes fashion... Accessories.”

Looking at the center of the table, he talked to himself as the first memory of rings and necklaces came to mind. Masato knew about the redhead taking care of the details to get attention without exposing himself unnecessarily. It was a marvelous skill to be able to make all his elegance and sensuality stand out with little effort.

The young man also admired it in Ren as much as he was proud about changes the redhead decided to make to become someone better and his sense of duty and his smile… However, of course, he would never tell him any of that. Not for being stubborn, but for being too embarrassing to hear his own voice saying it aloud. Just thinking about the situation made his cheeks burn.

Shaking his head, he forced himself to focus again. His goal was to think of the ideal present without being exaggerate.

“It’s early. I still can-”

His eyes accidentally hit the pile of decorated boxes in the corner of the room, making him shut without even closing his mouth.

Ren had already received so many gifts from fans that there was no point in trying so hard to give him something. His concentrated face crumbled into solitude. At that moment, he couldn't help but think that he wasn't the only one who knew about the man's preferences.

Those judging thoughts helped him realize that he couldn't expect to have Ren back home tonight when he knew everyone yearned to have a chance to spend a romantic date with him. Of course, Masato wanted it too, but as always, he refused to put his own interests above others.

Sighing heavily, he tried to focus again. For long minutes he tried, but whenever he thought about something Ren could possibly like, he would give up, thinking about what was in those boxes.

“He’s taking too long.” Glancing at the clock on the wall, he said sulkily. He knew part of it was his fault, but he still couldn’t help but feel anxious about it.

His eyes drifted slowly around the room seeing all the stored dishes and the cleaning shelves that shone in every corner giving the sensation of emptiness. It was all so organized that it made him look out of place in his inner mess.

“I should...”

Do something, he thought silently. If Masato could plan something for both of them, it might become unique enough. After all, only he could do that.

He stood up excited by the idea, but broke off shortly thereafter. One more question haunted him: what if Ren already had plans? He was being so insistent in the morning that it wouldn't surprise him if that was the case.

“He... He wanted to spend the day together.”

The redhead always showed a calm attitude as if he never wanted anything when in fact he was always hiding his efforts. Therefore, planning something to surprise shouldn’t be uncommon. With one hand over his mouth, Masato pondered seriously, staring at the floor as if he could see his answers there.

If Ren had planned something, he wouldn't give up so easily leaving like he did unless he hoped that Masato would stop him from going.

“Or maybe he is still up to it and want to… spend... the night!”

His thoughts raced through the endless possibilities ranging from dinner to a restless night. And within minutes Masato was losing himself in images that made his heart race and his face turn as red as the decorations in the house.

“He won’t do it....” He said in the silence as if trying to make his own wishes shut up.

The cold in his stomach forced him to sit again covering his face with his hands. He definitely didn't want to think about it, but his desperate beats didn't allow him to divert attention.

“No!” He shouted to himself, resting his hands on the table feeling the furniture melt in his heat. “That’s not the reason why he went out and I am sure…”

He tried to speak as quickly as possible in an attempt to calm down, but a new possibility emerged amidst the images, further confusing his emotions. His words did not come out, but they filled his mind with another question, easing the agitation and driving away the flush from his face. His shoulders dropped to the slow beat heart that pained him.

Ren definitely had plans for today but what if

“it’s not with me...” he finished in a low voice as if afraid of anyone listening.

The two had always been together and even when their lives tried to put them apart, they found a way to meet each other again. Yet their relationship remained troubled. They were idols from opposing families and any love relationship would become a scandal. They needed to contain themselves as much as they could.

Masato always knew how to keep calm like a river that bears the beat against the rocks in a deviate course. He was always firm to put the rules before his heart while watching Ren, from a corner, showing off to the girls, playing the part he was given. Both did.

Memories of everything that had passed and fears of what they had yet to face surrounded him for a moment, wondering how long it had to take. He wanted to be with him today and every day. Masato wished he could hug him now and say how much his troubled existence brought reasons for his restricted life.

His hands clenched as a frustrated sigh broke the silence. None of this was fair.

“What do I do now?”

The light from his cell phone shone in the corner of the table making his already tired gaze stare for a moment, trying to guess what notification had arrived. Unhurriedly, he reached out to see the redhead's name in the message.

His heart skipped a beat, reminding him of his earlier agitation. He was hesitant to look at what was sent — after considering so many possibilities. He wasn't ready to find the conclusion now, but he was tired, and his determination to end this torment made him slide the screen quickly ignoring everything else.

_“Be back in one hour._

_Hope you finished your tasks.”_

“One hour...” his eyes searched for the clock at the top of the screen, noticing that he had spent most of the day sitting there arguing with his indecisions. “What should I do?!”

**• • •**

It was exactly one hour later when the sounds of the opening door echoed throughout the house.

“I’m home.”

His loud, gentle voice struck Masato's ears in the next room like a lightning, causing him to get up off the couch quickly and before he knew it, he was walking toward the hallway.

During the hour he had to wait for the other man's arrival, he took the time to calm down and make sense of his uncontrolled thoughts that ran like a flood with thousands of images filling his stomach with anxiety. However, as soon as he reached the corridor and found Ren settling in the doorway to the kitchen with bags in his hands, all his effort ran down the drain leaving only an uneasy expression on his face.

They stared at each other in surprise. Surprised as if they did not expect to meet again that day. Until Ren smiled making them move.

Ren walked back to the kitchen once again, where Masato followed with sealed lips fearing to say anything.

“What’s with this face? Thought I wouldn’t come back?” Laughing, the taller one questioned leaving the bags on the marble table. However, his smile was short lived when he noticed the silence behind. He quickly turned his head over his shoulder to meet the gaze that struggled to stay serious, making Ren raise his eyebrows. “You really did?” Ren's voice sounded surprised even though he considered that Masato wouldn’t be home when he arrived.

“I... Thought you would be busy.” His tone was low as his body seemed shrunken by his fears, but his sincere eyes failed to stare straight ahead at the man choosing to land unintentionally on the gifts received in the corner. Ren followed each movement carefully and, as soon as he understood what had happened, a short laugh cut through the room.

“That explains...” Crossing his arms, he turned to face Masato. ”Was that what you did all day? Been thinking about me?” The indiscreet question forced Masato to turn toward, showing an expression that seemed offended with reddened cheeks.

“No!”

“How cold.” Pretending to believe, Ren said with a smile before turning to the table again pulling out a clear plastic box where red flowers rested on top and a delicately decorated cake waited inside. “I was only thinking about you.”

For a moment, all the will Masato felt in discussing was gone. Of course, he had also spent the day thinking about him, but in a completely different way that made him feel silly enough to bow his head in shame. Masato could only blame himself for his insecurity not realizing that all this time he was just thinking about what he could do for the other man's sake.

Ren saw the saddened look and approached stretching his arms, holding Masato’s face with both hands making him look in his direction. His soft cheeks fitted his palms perfectly as his fingers lightly squeezed the corners of his eyes. They were close enough for the redhead to see tears covering those bright irises without knowing if they were joy or shame.

Masato wanted to run away from the uncontrollable beats in his chest. He hated the way Ren could destabilize him from within by turning his calm river into a raging sea. However, this time he went against his defensive instincts and instead of pushing him away, he raised his hands holding the ends of Ren's jacket close to his waist.

“Were you worried?” His low voice sounded calm as if trying to not scare Masato.

“You left without saying anything.”

“You said it was okay.”

“Yes, but you could have told me you would come back.” Masato wanted to yell at him for being so carefree, but only managed to lower his eyebrows and bite his lips irritably.

The scene was so different from the usual that it made Ren laugh aloud and put his hands down to his shoulders. He knew the boy hated it when he started laughing at his honest feelings and this time was no different. Ren ended his laugh with a gentle smile as he tried to redeem himself before moving a little closer.

“I always will come back.”

The words seemed like a promise Masato didn't wanted to hear. His eyes widened slightly as his lips parted, unable to say anything. The pain of being rejected is horrible, but it is even worse when it is reciprocated and you cannot completely accept the feeling.

It was obvious that Ren felt the same way he did, that’s why he didn't want to mention anything else. Just sighed, nodding.

“If you want...” taking courage, slowly Masato began to speak in whispers “we can do those snowman you talked about.”

When Masato got embarrassed, it usually were followed by words to drive the redhead away, but this time his kind intention only brought him closer.

Surprised, Ren watched him look away with warm cheeks of embarrassment and before he knew it, he was already smiling.

“I could get used with this sweet side of yours if you showed it often.” The voice was low, but it echoed in the boy's ears like drums, making him blush even more.

“Jinguji...”

“Sorry.” Laughing, he slid his hands down to his waist, pulling him lovingly into a hug. “Of course I want.” Calmly he leaned in and kissed his forehead for long minutes before he could say the words he had kept all day in secret. “Merry Christmas, Masato.”

The voice near his ear made his heart skip a beat. It was not common, even being close, to hear his name being called by him. They have always kept this stance by custom or, perhaps, in a failed attempt to keep their distance.

Few times he heard him saying it, but he still couldn't control the feelings it brings. In his mind, the sweet voice covered him giving no room to think of anything else. His heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he was afraid that Ren might be able to feel it. The words slipped from his control in a passionate despair and with no choice he clenched his hands on Ren's shirt as he buried his all-red face in his chest.

He couldn't be as carefree as the redhead to repeat it and say his name. He loved him, of course, but he was afraid that if he said that, there would be no turning back and they would be forever lost in this unfair love.

There were so many things he wanted to say, but right now Masato could only cling to him as if he didn't want him to run away, to leave him.

Ren watched closely, noticing Masato struggling against his own ways to try to show how much he cared about them making him smile, hugging the young one tighter. There was no reason to force themselves to fit one another's pattern. They were different, they always knew that, and yet they were stubborn enough to not let go of each other's hands.

Welcomed by the warmth surrounding them, they allowed the silence to take over the place by letting the "I love you" echo in their hearts as an intimate promise that only they could know.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy holidays everyone!  
> Thanks for reading <3


End file.
